Before using this information ask your doctor if it is right for you.
Section 5 of Session 1
Why a Healthy Marriage?
Why should you take the time and effort to form and sustain a healthy marriage?
Researchers have found the following benefits for women and men in healthy marriages:
Living longer
Physically healthier
More satisfying sexual relationship
Emotionally healthier
Better relationships with their children
Being wealthier
Researchers have also found the following benefits of a healthy marriage for children:
More likely to attend college
Physically healthier
Emotionally healthier
Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
Less behavioral problems in school
Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse
Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol
Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors
Better relationships with their parents
More likely to succeed academically
Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married
Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager
Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers
Less likely to contract STD's
Less likely to be raised in poverty
What would you be willing to do to receive the benefits of a healthy marriage?
What would you be willing to do to give the benefits of a healthy marriage to your
children?
The Strengthening Your Marriage Activities TM have been designed to help you increase your chances of forming and sustaining a healthy
marriage. If your marriage is currently unhealthy this information can help you heal your marriage. If your marriage
is currently healthy then this information can help you keep your marriage stay healthy.
Growing a Healthy Marriage
A healthy marriage is like a beautiful flower garden.
As with all things beauty is in the eye of the beholder or in the case of a married
couple in the eye of the beholders. This is why couples need to grow a mutually
satisfying marital garden.
Just as every beautiful garden is different, so to is every successful marriage.
Each successful couple creates a marital garden that is unique and mutually satisfying to them.
This is why we can not provide you with step by step instructions to build your
marital garden. However, just as real gardens are made from the same basic materials of sun, soil, water, etc.,
so to is each successful marriage made from the same basic principles. The Healthy Marriage Weight Loss Program
TM has been designed to teach you these
basic principles.
As time goes by, gardens mature and change. Change in a marriage is not only inevitable but allows opportunity
for growth as a couple. The key is to manage the change so it remains satisfying to both of you.
Conflict is inevitable when two people grow a garden. It is natural to want to
do things in different ways. What is not inevitable is the negative consequences of conflict. We will teach you
how to resolve or manage conflict in a way that strengthens your marital relationship and beautifies your marital
garden.
A mutually satisfying marital garden first begins with choosing your spouse. Most of you have already made your
choice. For those of you who haven't, click here to read about important factors you should consider in choosing
a spouse. For those already married, we are going to give you the tools and knowledge to create the best possible
garden with the spouse you have already selected.
What does it take to grow a beautiful garden?
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Sun
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Rich Soil
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Seeds
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Tools
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Water
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Knowledge
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Time
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Effort
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One of the most important steps is to take proper care of your marital soil. You
can have the perfect amount of sun, water, tools, seeds, knowledge, time and effort but if your soil doesn't have
the right nutrients in it
or if it has poisonous chemicals in it
you are not going to be able to grow much of anything.
Before you met your spouse there was nothing in your marital soil. Through the
dating process you both added nutrients to the soil that enabled you to grow the start of a beautiful marital garden.
You both enjoyed the garden so much you made a life long commitment to the garden and each other and were married.
Now you have to constantly add fertilizers like respect and appreciation to keep
your marital soil healthy. In the following sessions we will teach you exactly how to add these fertilizers.
If poisonous chemicals like selfishness and contempt are added to the soil, then they need to be neutralized as
quickly as possible. We will cover how to go about this process in later sessions.
 
Weeds like bitterness, anger, resentment and pain need to be removed as quickly
as possible using a tool called forgiveness.
  
In the second session we will teach you how to use the forgiveness tool.
The right amount of water in the form of love needs to be given on a regular basis. We will teach you how much
and how often you should water your marital garden.
A regular dose of the power of the sun is needed to help grow your healthy marriage garden. The sun is God's love
or a higher power's love. If you believe in neither then it is the goodness of humanity. Your ability to grow a
healthy marital garden affects more than just your little garden. Humanity is better off with healthy marriages
and has a vested interest in nurturing your garden.
You can also turn to those who know about gardening to gain further knowledge.
Ask those who have beautiful marital gardens what they have done to create them. Ask those who study beautiful
marital gardens what they have learned. Take classes or read information by those who teach about marital gardening.
If you believe in a Master Gardener, ask Him through prayer for guidance on growing
your marital garden.
Growing and maintaining a beautiful marital garden requires time and effort on your part. You can either put in
a small amount of time each day to maintain and nurture your marital garden
or you can neglect the garden
and spend more time and effort later trying to repair the garden.
Unfortunately, those who have neglected their garden are often overwhelmed and
throw in the towel. Very few marital gardens are ever beyond the point of repair. During the following 7 sessions
we will teach you to use the sun, water, fertilizers, tools, knowledge, time and effort to grow and maintain a
healthy marital garden you can enjoy for the rest of your life.
If you want a healthy marriage, you also need to have a plan. If you live in New
York City and want to visit the Grand Canyon, then one method is to jump in a car and start driving. More than
likely you will waste a lot of time and money because you haven't taken the time to do some research and create
a driving plan. As silly as this method sounds, many couples do this when they get married. They pay tens of thousands
of dollars and spend hundreds of hours preparing for the wedding but do little to learn how to form and sustain
a healthy marriage.
No matter where you are in your marital journey, taking the time to learn the basic
relationship skills and knowledge will significantly increase your chances of a smoother and happier journey.
As you learn healthy relationship skills in the following sessions, write down
a plan on how you will apply them in your marriage. We have developed a tool called Strengthening My Marriage Plan
to help you accomplish this. Click here
to print your Strengthening My Marriage Plan. To keep your marriage healthy, you will need to refer to your plan
often and modify it as you encounter the inevitable challenges of marriage.
It is also important to track your progress in turning relationship skills into
habits. We have developed a tool called a Track It To Habit Log TM to help you accomplish this. You can print the
log by clicking here.
If you want a healthy marriage, then you have to persist in applying the skills
and knowledge that can help you form and sustain a healthy marriage. Don't allow anything or anyone, including
yourself, to keep you from persisting in strengthening your marriage.
Click here for section 6 of session 1.
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